Plan B needs to be revealed...

Blue Pumps

Have a big rut to climb out of...almost as steep as these heels.

Hopefully the phone call I make tomorrow morning will result in me getting some clarity and set up to get the next game plan rolling.  Cause I just can't take this anymore.

I'm at one of these crossroads again in my life where I have been kicked down and am working on climbing my way out.  One of those climbs that in all honesty I have to do on my own, I'm the only one that can find that way to look at this situation and figure out how to get my mind right again about what I have to deal with.

I refuse to not be an educated patient.  But with education comes reality.  Reality that sometimes is not so easy to face.  It's hard enough to have days where people confirm that I look like shit - guess what, I feel like shit.

I'm uncomfortable.

I'm in pain.

I'm tired of feeling nauseous all the time.

I'm tired of not being able to eat.

I'm tired of walking around with my stomach blown out and the looks I get.

I'm just tired.

And for now in this moment - I am dealing with being tired of this.  But I know I have to come to accept it as well.  There is no cure for this condition.  There are attempts to treat the symptoms.  I am running out of treatment options - at least the minimally invasive ones.  That's what has me in a rut right now.  I was hopeful that my current treatment plan would last longer than one attempt but it's not looking that way.

It's been a month since my last treatment.  Still no improvements.  Over two months since I've been able to eat anything without issues.  I continue to try to force some type of food into me each day - but I then also have to deal with the consequences of that.  I am not seeing the pounds dropping on the scale - I am however feeling completely hollowed out, a constant headache for the past five days, just drained and no energy.

I'm tired.  I need a plan.

"The most important thing in illness is never to lose heart"

Nikolai Lenin