Fire Red Heels
Anger.
Anger is not an emotion that I particularly like to experience. I do understand that it is a realistic human emotion and everyone at some point in their lives has been angry, around someone who is angry or has experienced someone else angry with them.
Being angry drains me of my energy and at the end of the day I look back at all of the energy which was wasted and how it altered my day. I think there are other emotions which can be expressed as anger or maybe confused with anger or perhaps even lead to anger. Frustration for example. Frustration with a situation which continually seems to repeat itself and doesn't seem to improve, regardless of discussions or promises for behaviors to change.
So is it right then, that frustration can become anger? I don't know.
What I do know is that I spent a lot of my day being angry with certain individuals. Individuals who continue to feel that they are an exception to the rule, individuals who feel that they are not required to carry their load, individuals who instead of taking the blame for their own failures insist on blaming others - or my favorite, because it just now happened - individuals who drop the ball on communication or sharing information and somehow it comes back to being my problem.
It's kind of hard to reflect on whether or not I feel my anger - frustration - whatever you want to call it - from earlier today is justified - when I get a phone call and feel now like there is another problem that someone is trying to lay on me. A problem which I did not create and as a matter of fact helped prevent a second problem from occurring as a result of someone else's choices and actions.
So - here's a better question. Is it my fault? Is it my fault that I do not tell individuals in my life that I am tired of cleaning up their messes and doing their work and bailing them out of last minute situations all of the time? Is it my fault that I allow supposed people in authority to blame me for their failures and that I don't just call them on their shit and risk being reprimanded? Is it my fault because I don't pick up my phone and make a phone call to an individual and ask them what the hell?
But here is my dilemma. I would say in a sense I have been raised to not rock the boat. Don't create a disturbance if I can sit quietly and just allow the situation to diffuse. I have not been that type of individual which can be assertive, state the facts, clear my name and correct the situation - without coming across as a bitch. Don't get me wrong, I have called people on their shit before and I have actually started to become more vocal - but then I get in trouble for it. I am an extremely facial individual and when someone makes me angry, it is extremely difficult for me to hide that fact. So in the past I would bite my tongue - or like tonight, I 'vent' about it - or in some cases speak my mind the way I know how and it bites me in the ass.
So who should I be angry with...
Them
Me
All of the above
None of the above
"Anger is short-lived madness"
Horace
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